At around six in the evening I would leave my room. I wore my flowing blue dress, which makes me feel a bit too seen and vulnerable. I rid myself of my ‘security blankets’ of my cellphone, water bottle, glasses, pepper spray. The only object I brought with me was my keycard, so that I would be able to get back into the dorm. (All of the pictures were taken the day after I had finished the five days, trying to record the experience that I couldn’t capture while I was in the midst of it.) I wore no shoes. I walked down the stairs of the dorm, praying for those behind the walls. Barefoot I walked down to the very bottom of campus, praying for citywide, nationwide, and worldwide issues.
On the way there and back, my bare feet stepped on sidewalks, on grass, across a street, onto the sharp pebbled driveways, through soft dirt, over hard clay, through wood chips, and in poking brambles.
At the bottom of campus there is an area filled with dozens of small potted trees, growing until they are to be planted around campus. I went down the rows of trees, picking up rocks. Each tree signified someone I feel the need to pray for, 27 in total. At each tree I would stand or crouch, my left hand filled with rocks, and my right hand holding one, clasping and squeezing it in my palm. I would often choose rocks that in some way signified qualities of the person I was praying for or how big of a prayer I had for them. The tactile sensation of the rock kept my mind present as I prayed for them. Once I was finished, I would place the rock at the base of the wooden planter. I went down the rows, praying for family and friends. There was one planter at which I would pray for a different person each day, someone that I was reminded of during the daytime, who might need prayer.
I weaved through the trees, wincing at the poking nature underneath. At a few places there was soft dirt, which I would walk back and forth in, each day my footprints in the same spot getting deeper. Other times I would stand still before the trees, or crouch down. Closing my mind helped me focus better. Here are pictures of some of my many footprints around those areas.
One reason for doing this piece was to overcome some of the fear that I carry, somewhat brought on by taking self-defense last semester and becoming more away of the danger posed to women. I wanted to feel secure in my own ability to defend myself, without use of pepper spray or cellphone. It also was some sort of a test in faith, that I will trust that God will protect me, if it is his will to do so. At first I felt scared, but then I found it easier to lose myself.
Following are some pictures of the rocks that I laid against the base of the planters of the trees.
Another reason for this piece is to grow in my prayer life. By not having many possessions with me, and ridding myself of any fear of getting dirty or feeling discomfort, it became easier to focus. It felt like both an out of body experience as well as a profoundly in body experience. The strange circumstances pulled me out of myself in order to forget myself and the discomfort pulled me in, but to empathize in a small way with the pain of others. The tactile sensation of a rock in my hand while I prayed, helped me to keep my mind from wandering.
I started to regularly ask those friends and family I was praying for, over text or in person, how I could pray for them. I wanted to know more specifically what they needed prayer for. It created more conversation that would normally occur. A wonderful and surprising effect of this was growing closer to those I was praying for.
I would get back at around seven. It took longer than I was expecting. But it also exceeded my expectations in every other way as well.
I didn’t have very many interactions with people. The ones I did were pleasant, though. The only comments I got were people admiring my dress. There were a few people who walked by, often with dogs. There were these ladies who walked by with several dogs. The first day I saw them, the biggest dog ran toward me, growling. The owners assured me that he was all bark and no bite. They calmed the dog, telling him that I was a nice person. The next time I saw them, the dog raced around without his owners and happily came up to me. I guess we had become friends.
The people that did see me, probably thought I was insane, but it was empowering to not care.
Each night, the moon got bigger and brighter, illuminating my walk home. Sorry for the low quality photo, but you get the jist. Once the sun had set, It was largely the moon that helped me back to the dorm.
The first two nights, there were songs that popped into my head as I walked back:
“When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we see
No I won't be afraid
No I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me”
-Stand By Me, John Lennon
“And the arms that hold the universe
Are holding you tonight
You can rest inside
It's gonna be alright
And the voice that calmed the raging sea
Is calling you His child
So be still and know He's in control
He will never let you go”
-Arms That Hold the Universe, Fee
Walking barefoot on uncomfortable surfaces forced me to walk slower. I usually walk very fast, trying to get from place to place as soon as possible, my mind jumping from one topic to another. However, during the ritual my slow movement helped me slow my mind as well. Every day it got easier and my feet became tougher.
My dress attracted a lot of scratchy nature, which clung and scraped against my skin as I walked. I didn’t pick any off, but left it until the end of the five days, a whole colony of stickers adorning the bottom of the blue fabric.
Here is a picture of my hand after one of the rituals. You can imagine how beat up my feet were if my hands looked like this. I learned to love my feet.
It was a wonderful experience, which I doubt I will ever forget. I would like to do something similar very often, but perhaps with less scratchy of nature. (I think I might be allergic to something because my fingers would swell up a bit.) But anyways, I’d like to implement something similar to this in my everyday life. I’m glad that I did this project.
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